From the age of 6 through the age of 22, I did not have a great relationship with my body.
I was not the same as my friends, so I thought that there was something wrong with me.
I saw 2 ways to have a body: thin and not thin. But, our society taught me that there might be just one acceptable way to have a body - and that was thin. I was not thin.
At the age of 12, I had reached my adult height and weight. I was the “big” friend. I didn’t know any better… I didn’t have the tools to believe that I was uniquely beautiful.
Thankfully, I excelled at sports, so I was able to salvage some body confidence by focusing on what my body could do.
Then, my senior year of high school, I decided to over-exercise and under-eat. At the same time, I was being recruited to play college softball. My “experiment” worked in that I lost 20 pounds - but I also lost muscle and power. My softball game suffered. And, because I didn’t know any better… for every pound 1 lost, about 25% was lean mass. Which means that my basal metabolic rate went down. So, when I gained the weight back, I didn’t gain my lean mass back; I just gained extra body fat.
I entered college with an extra 10 pounds. For the next 4 years, I yo-yo dieted. I would gain and lose 30 pounds at least 4 times. I have to say, with the amount of training I was doing for softball, I was strong… I had a lot of muscle mass.
One day in the cafeteria when I was ordering food, I was mistaken for a man. The chef only looked up as far as my shoulders and just assumed I was not a woman. How embarrassing. There were so many external signals that were saying, “Ali, you are not ok… you are not enough.”
Then one day, I got sick of it all. I said no more! Maybe I needed to actually take a look, dig deep, and consider getting to know my body. Appreciate my body. Optimize its unique potential.
So I did. And 21 years later - I’m still doing it.
Going on the journey of self-love… discovering who I am… and not being afraid to show the world has been the bravest thing I’ve done. So, as I was reviewing the pictures my husband took yesterday, it reminded me of how far I’ve come.
This is me.
Today I turn 41, and I am just getting started.
Strength is knowing who you are and not being afraid to show the world.